2 days ago Learn how ADHD or ADD can affect your relationships and what you can do as a couple to overcome challenges and build a strong. May 27, People with ADHD have a few more challenges than most. However Im in a relationship with my girlfriend she 30 and has 3 kids from her. Regardless of adult attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD), falling in love is easy. A rush of It is tempting to point the finger at the other person and blame her for the problems in the relationship. But it takes two Go on a date every week.
The same goes for the non-ADHD partner too. Recognize that nagging usually arises from feelings of frustration and stress, not because your partner is an unsympathetic harpy.
Adult ADHD and Relationships
How the partner with ADHD often feels: Overwhelmed, secretly or overtly, by the constant stress caused by ADHD symptoms. Keeping daily life under control takes much more work than others realize. Subordinate to their spouses. Their partners spend a good deal of time correcting them or running the show.
The corrections make them feel incompetent, and often contribute to a parent-child dynamic. Men can describe these interactions as making them feel emasculated.
ADHD and Relationships: How to Make it Work
They often hide a large amount of shame, sometimes compensating with bluster or retreat. Afraid to fail again. As their relationships worsen, the potential of punishment for failure increases.
But their inconsistencies resulting from ADHD mean that this partner will fail at some point. Anticipating failure results in reluctance to try. Longing to be accepted. One of the strongest emotional desires of those with ADHD is to be loved as they are, in spite of imperfections. How the non-ADHD partner often feels: The lack of attention is interpreted as lack of interest rather than distraction.
Angry and emotionally blocked. Anger and resentment permeate many interactions with the ADHD spouse. Sometimes this anger is expressed as disconnection. In an effort to control angry interactions, some non-ADHD spouses try to block their feelings by bottling them up inside.
Non-ADHD spouses often carry the vast proportion of the family responsibilities and can never let their guard down. The non-ADHD spouse carries too many responsibilities and no amount of effort seems to fix the relationship.
A non-ADHD spouse might feel as if the same issues keep coming back over and over again a sort of boomerang effect. Progress starts once you become aware of your own contributions to the problems you have as a couple. This goes for the non-ADHD partner as well. The way the non-ADHD partner responds to the bothersome symptom can either open the door for cooperation and compromise or provoke misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Your reaction can either make your significant other feel validated and heard or disregarded and ignored. Break free of the parent-child dynamic Many couples feel stuck in an unsatisfying parent-child type of relationship, with the non-ADHD partner in the role of the parent and the partner with ADHD in the role of the child.
It often starts when the partner with ADHD fails to follow through on tasks, such as forgetting to pay the cable bill, leaving clean laundry in a pile on the bed, or leaving the kids stranded after promising to pick them up. The non-ADHD partner takes on more and more of the household responsibilities. The more lopsided the partnership becomes, the more resentful they feel.
Of course, the partner with ADHD senses this. So what can you do to break this pattern?
Tips for the non-ADHD partner: Put an immediate stop to verbal attacks and nagging. Encourage your partner when they make progress and acknowledge achievements and efforts. It is destructive to your relationship and demotivating to your spouse. Tips for the partner with ADHD: Inattention can also lead to mindlessly agreeing to things that you later forget. This can be frustrating and lead to resentment. Even when adults with ADHD are paying attention, they might still forget what was discussed.
This can cause others to see the person as unreliable or incapable. This symptom of adult ADHD can lead to frequent interruptions during conversations or blurting out thoughts without considering the feelings of others. This can result in hurt feelings. This can cause resentment and frustration for the partner, who might feel like he or she does more of the work at home.
Many adults with ADHD have difficulty regulating their emotions. This can result in angry outbursts that leave partners feeling hurt or fearful.
While the adult with ADHD in the relationship is at risk of feeling micromanaged and overwhelmed with criticism, the non-ADHD partner might feel disconnected, lonely, or underappreciated.
More often than not, the behaviors on the surface i.
This chronic pattern of micromanaging and underachievement can result in feelings of shame and insecurity for the ADHD partner. It also increases the risk of depression. When couples work to improve communication skills, they can restore balance to the relationship. Try these strategies to communicate effectively with your partner: Sharing your struggles helps your partner understand how ADHD impacts your behavior Hold eye contact when listening For long conversations, consider a fidget toy like a squeeze ball to keep your mind engaged Focus on teamwork.